Who Am I?

One question that I have been asking myself lately? What am I doing with my life right now? Is it a path to where I want to be someday? At times, I remind myself, that how would I know where this path will lead. In fact, how will I know where any paths would lead to? Most of the times, I cringe.

I cringe because, I fear of the future. I fear of failure.

Where did all my courage go? Because, not so long ago, I swear, I could face a dragon.



And as once again, life being a teacher to me, showed me that things can just go wrong. The labyrinth that you thought you have a map of, can just change in seconds. How I cursed at the circumstances. How can I get turned down, when I thought I was being so brave? Is this just a trick?

And I start to get bitter, and I want to be forever bitter. Like the bitch some people said that I once were. Owh, you didn't know? Did you know that that bitch once said, "Owh, you've got cancer? Erm.. I got to go!" Well, I was quite good at hiding my true self to most of the people around me.

Was.

Seeing me so glum, someone offered me an advice, and said, "Hey, you're only human." And the bitch answered, "I never wanted to be just human. I am above that." And I was given a look that said, "You're so full of yourself again, get over it." Wait, am I like everyone else, just human?

How I want to be so full of myself. Because, by giving, helping and picking up others, it can be tiring. I wish I can climb the ladder alone, but I just realized something lately, that it can be lonely. At least, when you give, help and pick others up along the way, there will be some people climbing up with you.

"Hello? Are you coming? No? I'm waiting. No? You are sure? No? Okay."

"Anybody else?"

Don't get judgmental, and assume where the ladder leads to. It can be anywhere. But the journey, it might as well seems like it's going to the same place. But you have to understand too, that anywhere, can also be the very same place.

So no. I won't be that bitch again. I am an adult and I will take whatever life has to teach me.

Okay, anybody has cancer? I can be there for you. Sometimes. Not all of the time of course. You see. I am only human.

(To you.)