Submit #1

I spit kisses to the ground, when you're walking in front.

Wish #3

Wouldn't it be nice to have a mini you that I can keep in the back pocket of my jeans?

Yesternow

It's like high school all over again. Awed by the presence of the person that I have a crush on, but I have to keep it all to myself.

Hush, hush. Not a soul is supposed to know.

Not that person. Not yet. I'll wait till I'm a bit older.

It's like high school all over again.

Wish #2

I wish that I can chop off your head and keep it under my shirt.

Love Talk at 29

Jack:
Gave up?

Jill:
What?
To fall in love?

Jack:
Yeap.

Jill:
Should i?

Jack:
Honestly you should.
Love is vapid.

Jill:
I should give up?

Jack:
Yes.
Just get married already.

Jill:
Why?
Would it be different?

Jack:
Yeah.
It means u gave up.

Jill:
Owh
Did you give up?

Jack:
Gave up trying.

Jill:
Gave up trying to fall in love?
But if you were already in love, and if you are in love, you don't have to try to fall in love?

Jack:
Depends.
Sometimes if you can't, then you improvise.

Jill:
Are you in love?

Jack:
Tough question.
Are you?

Jill:
Why is it tough?
I asked you first.

Jack:
You don't think it's tough?

Jill:
To decide whether or not you're in love?
I guess not.
But to cope, it's a different thing.
I think.

Jack:
How can you tell?
Butterflies?
Shivers?
That you're in love?
Is a crush,
Love?

Jill:
You're gonna say that it's subjective, aren't you?

Jack:
Subjective is an understatement.

My New Blanket

When I was growing up, I was constantly visited by clouds of feelings. I say clouds because I can feel them surround me as if they were light entities. Just there floating, to be seen, but only by feeling. Sometimes they are just around my physical body, and sometimes they stretch as far as the horizon.

There were also times that some feelings wrap around me so tightly like a blanket that I clutch to protect me from the cold. I often use 'blanket' in my younger days of writing poetry. Because it felt right.

Blanket of night,
blanket of darkness,
blanket of soul.

When something blankets you, there is nothing else. Just you, and the blanket separates you from the rest of the world.

And here you are, my new piece of blanket.

Wish #1

I wish that I can crumple you into a paper ball on keep you under my shirt.

Unparalleled Junkie V

I hate to see someone doze into slumber when I am myself griping at the fact that I am not able to go to sleep. The whimpers and soft snores chime in harmony as if mocking me saying, "Hey, when are YOU going to Lala Land"?

I'll tell you when. I will happily stroll into Lala Land, carrying a rattan basket in my left hand, while my right hand is plucking away at pretty wild flowers, when everyone else is AWAKE and is serving time in Reality. That is when.

Oh, no need for you to wake up. I'll be happy when I am alone in that land when the time comes. Right after I take my dose of.. Zzzz.

Bodek.

"Cikda, dalam perut Wan keluar ramai adik-adik."

"Adik-adik?"

"Yes. Mama, Mummy Atie, Cikda, Cuja, Mummy. A lot of babies."

"Yes, ada five. Pergi tanya Wan, sakit tak?"
"Eh no, pergi tanya Wan siapa paling cantik."

"Taknaklah."

"Pergilah tanya."

"Cikda."

"Cikda paling cantik?"

"Yes."

"Cikda dengan Mama?"

"Cikda."

"Cikda dengan Mummy Atie?"

"Cikda."

"Cikda dengan Cuja?"

"Cikda."

"Cikda dengan Mummy?"

"Cikda."

"Cikda dengan Ally?"

"Cikda and Ally!"

Your Invisible Audience

You are just a quiet person. That was what you said. Sitting there, looking at your hands, shoulders slouched forward, as if telling the world to leave you alone.

But now, you want.. no, need, the world to acknowledge your presence.

And it does.

They always do.

IDRUS

"Who are you?"

"Who am I? Well, erm macam ni. Actually, it doesn't require you or anyone, including me, to have any belief of who I am. Do you know that every belief is in fact an obstacle?"

"Huh?"

"Like when you say that you like reading more than talking. Would it limit you to talk more than reading one day?"

"Huh?"

"Susahnya. Ok, macam ni. Imagine kalau ..."

"Eh, I nak tahu you ni siapa? Tiba-tiba muncul dalam my room? Who let you in? Oh no, are you a burglar aren't you? Maaaa!!!......"

"Shh. Shh. Bukan, saya bukan perompak."

"Then who the hell are you?!"

"Like I said tadi, kita tak perlu...."

"Oh shut up already. What's your name? Ke takde jugak? Your mum chose not to label you with anything?"

"Ada, ada. My mum tak tahu menahu tentang this new age crap."

"You mean, the things you were mumbling about tadi?"

"Yes, yes."

"You think it's crap?"

"No, you see, I choose not to put label to my thoughts, whether I think certain things are ..."

"Eh, sudahlah. Nama apa? Nama? Mak tak bagi nama ke?"

"Eh, leave my mum out of this. By the way, nama saya Idrus. Nice to meet you."

"Gila kampung. Nama Idrus."

"I beg to differ. What you think about one's name, whether it is glamer, or kampung, actually ..."

"Senyap, boleh tak?"

Idrus finally shuts up. Aina sits on her bed, legs straight, hair messed up from sleep, shoulders slouched.

They were silent for a while.

Until Idrus slowly puts up his hand, and Aina moves her head in a questioning manner as in "what?".

"Sampai bila kita nak senyap je ni?"

"Huh."

"Asyik mengeluh je? Are you okay?"

Aina stands up, in a pair of reddish pink pyjamas, gives Idrus an annoying look, and put both of her hands up in frustration. Then she walks to her working table, put on her glasses and opens her laptop.

"Awak, saya cakap dengan awak. Bakpe gong sangak ni?"

"Eh, why do you care hah? I don't even know who you are!"

Aina was about to say something else but her phone rang. She puts up a finger, index, to Idrus, as if asking to wait for a minute and answers her phone.

"Yes Ma, Ma dok tido lagi ke? No, no, I had a bad dream. Sorry to have waken you up. Ye, ye, nok tido la ni. Nite."

Aina sighs again elaborately and begin typing slowly on her keyboard.

After a while, she stops and walks back to her bed and lie down.

Idrus tip-toes to her working table and looks at her laptop screen. Then he sits down and reads out loud.

"Kenapa bulan
kamu makin kejam
hadirmu sudah tidak indah
kenapa dibawanya kelam?"

"Oh, poor girl. Are you heart broken?"

Aina is already sobbing, face down on her pillow.

Thy eyes, thy eyes

Twinkle twinkle
my distant star

why are you buried so
high and far?

Like I said

It explodes,
quivers,
and shivers.

How do I cope.

Dendeng

"I declare today as a holiday!"

That was such a smart move. Because it had been weeks, and my work had no progress at all. It was not helping to be working in an environment that finishing two half page articles was considered a big achievement. (Truly, no offense to anyone, we have our days eh?)

I have been trying to do work, and trying is really the word. Nothing was done or achieved. Until

"I declare today as a holiday!"

That was three days ago maybe. And I forced any thoughts of work out from my head, and said to myself, "To hell with it, I might as well laze around and do nothing." It's true you know. Trying to do work, uses up more energy than actually doing it. And until the day was almost ending, I was tired from not doing anything. Almost the same amount of energy used up to pretend to do work.

I might as well actually do work.

And I did. Slowly, but at least something is done. We'll get there.

What is this? Is this the wall? But I am not even running.

What to cut me with?

I miss my pen knife.

Mute

All that I am feeling
have no outlet today
they linger in my throat.

All that I am thinking
would not be worded today
there's no way to unload.

I have hands
but there's nothing to hold.

I still have my voice
but I'm through with praising.