"Even cats are afraid of you."

I watch Salem take a step back after studying the strange man in my room.

"Here kitty."

"Don't kitty him, he's already 5 years old."

"Wow, you have not changed a bit. At that, my memory takes me back to five years ago when you say, 'Don't baby me'." He quoted me mockingly with his last three words.

I remember when I said that. And three weeks after that, he was gone without a trace. And five years after that, he showed up at my door. And now, he's in my room, perching on my bed, trying to get hold of Salem.

"So, you got this cat after I left? To replace me?" Salem the traitor is already on his lap, purring comfortably. He is looking at the strange man who is looking at me, waiting for my answer. Then Salem turns his head to look at me, also waiting for my answer.

"The fish pond is too small. There's no way I can drown in there."

"Of course you can."

"I can't silly. The water is only up to my ankle."

"You are right. Let's see. What else can we do. Maybe we can improvise a little bit."

"Oh, I know! Why not I hang myself here," pointing index finger to the white four-seater swing.

"We can do that, if you are five years old! You are way too tall to be hanged there." 

"This is just too hard. I give up."

"See, typical you. To give up on everything. Not only you gave up with life, now you are giving up to give up life."

"Oh, shut the fuck up."

"Fuck you."

It's a dreadful feeling. When you have to call a client to inform him that you won't be able to deliver what you have promised to deliver, two days ago. I have been told so many times before, and it is something that I have known all along; to never get involved in anything partially. When you have no total control over something, people might not appreciate being pushed around by you.

Obviously, when you want to get things done, one person should be in charge to look at the overall of everything. Because, who should answer to the client when the person we depend on to do the work has not been answering his phone, for two days? Pointing fingers would be useless at times like that, wouldn't it? But we have to remember that we are relied upon by the client as well.

So yes, time to tell the client the truth. We failed to deliver what we have promised, and it was all our fault. Most probably the client will understand, they just need to be informed so that they'd know what to do or plan. Or explain to their client. 

Ahh.. the beauty of sub-contracting.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The call, asking you to return all the books you have previously borrowed.

In my definition, a formality to end a friendship.

Ahh, you can't win them all.

i heart my heart
my wooden heart
i heart it most
when it is toast

thou know not
for thou could not
heart my heart
when it needs the most.

I don't want a book with blank pages, 
write me poetry from of all ages.
I don't want a knife with blunt edges, 
I need to cut the bars from my cages.
I don't want an empty soul, 
I want one which is bold.
I don't want a shoulder that's cold, 
I want one that's warm to hold.

I don't want sweet nothing,
I need sweet something.

Emotions. 
Do you realize that we can entertain only one emotion at a time? 
Try to be happy and sad at the same time.
Go on.

How did that go?
So what should we prefer to feel?

But if we are only feeling sad, how can we change it to feeling glad?

You already know how, don't you?

Not for any reason
nor it was a treason

and this is not yet my prison.

Change is usually inevitable. When the time is right, it will happen. And all we have to do is to embrace the change(s). The more we fight it, the more it will consume us. We have to do what the universe (or many would say, God) has aligned for us. It is useless to fight the current. Because our energy will be in vain. 

If we have felt it with all our hearts, what we will be achieving, nothing can stop us from getting there. Why are we trying to stop ourselves?

That is why at times, we don't feel at peace. Because we know what we want, but we deny ourselves from having it.

Isn't it time to claim what's ours?

I am breathless at the thoughts of you
Every word that comes, they stick like glue
Pressing hard on my temple, I'm filled with rue
It's no more I do, I do, I do.