Thursday, May 4, 2006

you know it's cloudy within

when it is hard to breathe

i know it's  time to prim
when i see me writhe
i know it's a beginning

when i marvel at the sun
you know it will soon end

if not where is the fun

or so i thought

"I'm an elitist scum. Welcome me to your hearts. Sorry, no time for hooligans. Readers and artists, they are my kind, but you ladies keep fucking the conservatives. You tell me about how oppressed you are by the awful men of this planet, and then you go for the lawyers, accountants, and business executives who hold you down. You date the bull neck, bulging vein, burr cut, water-head fuckin' idiots. They have two inch, piggly-wiggly dicks, probably can't even put it in you one time before they cum ... And then years later, you appear on Donahue, saying I wish my husband would eat me more, make love to me better. Eerrrrggghhhh, wrong. Sorry, honey. You had the artist who was willing to lick your butthole, you chose the guy with the bigger bank account. Fuck off! Get in the tub and reacquaint yourself with the spigot, there is your love. You let the poets jack off in the woods, in a circle. This is your penance."

- Bill Fucking Hicks.

Do you realize that, we actually do not know anything for sure. Nothing in this world is for sure. They are all assumptions, or things that you choose to believe in. But it doesn't make them the truth. They are only true to you.

How do you know if someone is telling the truth? Why do you have doubts? How do you push them aside?

I have a friend who once said, that I would even trust a rapist. Because, I am too trusting. Was, still, now I'm not sure.

I can't think of a reason why someone would lie. I grew up reading fairy tales and Enid Blytons. In fairy tales, your nose will get super long when you lie, and in Enid Blytons, the witch of the west wind will mess up your face if you even make a face behind someone's back. To lie? Something bad will surely happen. Scary?

How do you know if someone is telling the truth? You'll never know.

Are we morons to believe in their lies? I don't know. You tell me.

Not that I've never lied.

Were they stupid to believe in my lies? I don't know. You tell me.

When there's no right or wrong
in singing our song
when it gets too cold
for each of us to hold
when humility cease to exist
amidst.

Only when it's bloody
that I stop for a breather
for I love to party
with chili flakes hearty
how I wish
my anatomy is simpler.

Liquid. That is the only word that I feel, is best to describe him. His ever smooth approach is legendarily liquid. "Do you think he ever had a girl buddy? I surely cannot imagine it!" She shrieks to me. I have to look to the left and right, afraid that other patrons will find us distasteful. A young boy is peering at me over his thick Harry Potter book. Nerd.

"But seriously," she adds with a serious look. "He's not even that good looking. But girls go gaga over him like he's God or something."

You go gaga over him, like you're doing right now. And the man is not even here. Sheesh.

"Witchcraft, that's what I think he's using."

Typical ego comeback, you fall for someone ugly, okay that's quite mean let's use not so pretty or handsome, and you accuse them of using witchcraft.

But then again, I cannot deny that. I almost fell for him too. What am I saying, I did fall for him. And he was so nice to create a beautiful elaborate lie and waited for everything to simmer down on its own.

I hate him.

But I don't.

Damn, that asshole.

But he's a nice guy.

"Are you going to finish that?"

I pushed my bowl of Maggi noodles towards her. I don't think I can eat while my stomach is doing little flip-flops.

As the rain falls hard on the zinc rooftop, Edel's fingers gripe on to her thick blanket, she shakes while trying to escape an undesirable dream. Just as the thunder shakes their house to a soft rumble, her eyes flew open.

"She was here, wasn't she?"

"Hm...? What honey?" Kreya's right hand moves blindly to find Edel, while her eyelids still shut.

"She was here, that night. When you said she wasn't." Edel is now sitting up straight in bed, face as cold as a slab of black stone in a river.

Only realizing that Edel was really serious in this morning conversation, Kreya pulls up her part of the blanket and sighs loudly. Edel remains motionless, waiting for Kreya's answer. Without having to coax her further, Kreya breathes a "Yes.." from under the blanket.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. But it was almost a year ago. How did you suddenly.."

"I had a dream. Don't ever lie to me again." And at that Edel continues to sleep.

It must be nice to sleep in the morning while it rains, Kreya thought as she watches Edel nodding towards slumber. Annoyed, for she sure won't be able to sleep now. How she wishes she is not dating a witch.