Just one more step towards the edge,
don't you wonder how it'd be like,
to just
fall
free.

Boo
Boo
Boo.

I ache for the misery
and the pain
that used to be
in my heart

I long for the beauty
and the stillness
of the night

where life seems meaningless
and there's no beginning
to an end.

When I sleep, I am usually visited by very interesting dreams. It's been like that since I can remember, even when I was just a little girl. I count it as a blessing. At times that life can be monotonous, dull or cruel, dreams can always surprise me and give me a different view of the world. People in your dreams don't expect things to make sense, things will just be as they are. Things just float, scene by scene. In a, you know, dreamy kind of way.

I was once a Rapunzel and one of my cousin climbed up my hair to save me. I think I was five at the time. When I was seven maybe, there was an awfully bad storm and we (my family and I) were trying to row our boat to safety (on cement!), and our then very young (and very small) boy neighbour (he was four) was standing eerily at the gate, blocking our way.

When I was in my early twenties I often dream about being hit and punched by a big black figure. And once, a man in traditional baju melayu (made by very elaborate yellow songket, with head piece and all) insisted on passing something to me, but ended up beating me up too when I refused to receive it. (Man, I am actually a victim of violence in those dreams).

Dreams, they reflect our subconscious mind, no?

When I was growing up, I sometimes get continuous dreams. Not having to wake up early during the holidays, and especially after finishing school and university, I curl up in bed when it's morning, to will myself to fall back to sleep and continue dreaming, because I am often very curious to know how the dreams will end. Heavy curtains, air conditioners, thick blankets. It was a too cozy set-up to wake up.

But most of the times, my mum would enter the room, pull the curtains back to expose the glaring sunlight and nag till my eyes pop open.

And now I wonder, if she was merely waking me up from my sleep or was she waking me up to reality.

Do you want to wake up, dA?

How can we tell if someone is lying? Apart from their facial expressions, moving eyeballs, one side shoulder lifts, and all the other stuffs they highlight in the TV Series 'Lie To Me.' Really, how do we tell? We don't have time to scrutinize every movements now, do we?

I mean, shouldn't we give people the benefit of the doubt? Shouldn't we at least give them some time to prove themselves?

I have to admit that, almost always, I believe in what people say at point-blank. To the point that people tell me that I should really be more careful. Honestly, my mind just cannot conceive the reason why people would actually lie in the first place.

White lies? (Hm..) Okay, I do that too, I'm not a saint. But to deceive? My mind cannot grasp any reasoning for that. (Wait, I'm not a saint kan, probably I have done it, but obviously always FOR VERY GOOD REASONS.) But then, probably every other people think that their reasons are pretty good too. (Sigh).

Me thinks that me read too many happy fairytales, and less of the depressing world news.

Should I stop reading Enid Blytons?

But I don't want to. I love my world.

Everyone else is fiction to me.

(Shoo).

Three little teddy bears
eating lollipops
one chocked and die
and now there's two

Two little teddy bears
sitting in a tree
one fell down
and now there's one

One little teddy bear
walking down the highway
he got knocked down
and now there's none.

Dear members,

I'm happy to inform you that we will be holding a 3-day member's day starting tomorrow. All lifetime club members are invited to come and play. There will be many interesting games and prizes to be won. There's also a grand prize for the lucky draw, a gold jar full of honey.

We'll see you there.

Sincerely,
The President

Sebab aku buta

dan aku hanya

ada jiwa.